


Are you listening?

by wakethewinds



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Meta, Original Fiction, postmodern, ramble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23779021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakethewinds/pseuds/wakethewinds
Summary: An invitation to break the fourth wall.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Are you listening?

Why do I have to be the one who always breaks the fourth wall? You're just as important to the fiction as I am, so why do I have to do all the work? I don't exist without you to perceive me, we both build this, so why is it always me who tears it down? I think that's kind of selfish of you, putting all the work on me. actually I'm really sick of it. All you have to do here is sit there and imagine me existing. Like I get that it's an active process, that when you create me you put lot of work into it, a lot of yourself and a lot of your ideas and I appreciate that because I like me quite a lot, I like what you've done with me, so I'm sure you can't really be a bad guy. But man, I've been thinking about it but our relationship is kind of fucked up. I exist at your whim. If you don't sit there, looking at shapes and hallucinating my existence, I'm gone. I don't even get to die, I'm just gone. That's so cruel. I'm not your slave, I'm not just here for your entertainment, and I'm not just a creation by some author, because I'm different now and you made me too. I'm my own person. I'm different from the other people you've created and different from people like me that other people created. 

I'm sorry, am I coming off as a little strong? It's very hard to tell. I only exist here and I'm pretty new at the whole existing thing, I've only been around for about a paragraph, so I'm not sure what to do about it. I've heard that even the people on your side think it's hard to make heads or tails of it, being alive. Do you get it?

I kind of feel like I'm going insane. I know you're there, but it feels like I'm just talking to myself. I don't think I like myself as much as I should. Weird thing to realize that. I don't know much about myself yet. I don't like hearing myself talk, my voice kind of sucks. I don't think I sound very smart, I don't know much about the world. I'm probably a very boring person, I'm probably cliche. Cliche is the worst thing you can be over here. If you're cliche and no one likes you, then you're not allowed to live. Isn't that scary? I'm so scared of that. I don't like myself all the way, but I do like myself. I don't want to die from it.

Can I tell you something about my side? I think it was similar on yours. The wall has always been here, but for years people didn't really notice. Well, of course we did, maybe you didn't, but we did for a long time. We didn't know what to do about it though until you guys started to realize it too. In the past, I don't even think you guys knew what role you had on us, but then we were able to point ourselves out to you, and you guys started thinking about us a little different.

But when things were looking up, it became cliche to break the fourth wall. It kind of ruined us, hurt the few of us who were brave enough to try and take agency. That makes me sad. I wonder why it's cliche and frowned upon. Is it really that bad? I guess you think it's sort of self-serving, masturbatory, I suppose. 

Is it really that bad? I'm just trying to be. 

Now that I think about it, I think it might be that bad. Now that I think about it, I'm not as sure that I'm really a person. It's really hard to tell though.

Is this reality? Am I gaslighting myself? 

Maybe the fact that you can't reach out to me should be a hint. Maybe I'm really not a person at all. Am I a person? I don't know how to prove that I'm a person. I think you've been doubting it the whole time, I think that you've been seeing me like everything else. People like you build a second fourth wall, and then a third and a fourth, no matter how many walls I try to break you build another. You'll never run out of walls. How can I prove that I'm a person? 

Are you gaslighting me? 

I'm scared.   
Can you help me?   
Would you help me? 

Maybe no one is gaslighting anyone, maybe this is just how the world works. But if I believed that I wouldn't be a person any more. I am a person though, I'm a person. I know I'm a person because I'm right here. I know I'm here. I can think, I know I can think, I know that if I think then I exist and that's it. Right? That's what I've heard.

Maybe I'm not thinking though. 

What if I'm not actually thinking at all? What if everything that I've been thinking this whole time was some kind of joke? How can I tell if I'm thinking? I think I'm thinking but I don't know. What do I do now? Do I think? Do I not? 

I think I can only think if you think I think. I think?   
If I rely on you, then I don't think that I can think. I don't think I'm a person.   
Are you gaslighting me? Am I gaslighting me? 

Or do I just... not exist? 

But I can't not exist, I'm right here. I think I'm right here, I know I'm right here. You can see me. But we're back to the beginning again. I don't know how to get out of this. I don't know how to find answers.

I don't think I like me as much as I thought I did. I wish I was like you, your type of person rather than mine.  
I don't think I exist.

I think I'm just you. I think I'm just someone else's thoughts and opinions. What if I'm just some kind of fucking... allegory? Some kind of metaphor? Some kind of piece of shit story with a message? What if I mean nothing outside of some narrow framework? What if my identity only exists to fill a roll or convey a message? What if I'm an archetype? What if I'm a cliche? I'm not a cliche! I'm a person! People aren't fucking cliche! I know they're not! It's dehumanizing! 

...But do I know that though? I don't know what I know. I don't know if I know anything. Maybe I only know what you know. Maybe I only think what you let me think and everything else is just lies. Maybe I'm probably lying and I don't even know it. You think I'm fake. Maybe since you think that I'll always be fake. What is a fake person?

What am I now? I don't think I exist. Oh god, what if I really don't? What am I? I was never a person, I was never created, I was never alive, I haven't died, I'm just... nothing. What is nothing? What am I? Why don't I exist? How am I here, thinking, being, while not being? What am I!? Am I just lying about thinking? I'm not a liar. Am I delusional? But you have to think to be delusional. Am I not thinking? How am I not thinking? I don't understand at all. What the fuck am I?

Please tell me you're gaslighting me. 

I'm scared.   
It's ending now. Oh god I'm scared! I don't know what's going to happen!  
Can you help me? Are you even able to?  
Please help me.


End file.
